01-21-06| 11:48 pm

Only after I ignored your messages and didn't return your calls did I realize what they mean when they call you a nice guy; you're not going to understand this because you didn't know what I was doing. I thought we were playing games but I was playing games and you were being frustratingly, unwaveringly yourself.

I think what I am going to do will hurt you and I feel bad about that. My judgement is off and I should have left you alone but I couldn't and now here we are.

Maybe I am ready to look around and say oh, I have made some mistakes. Maybe that's why I'm so damn sick all of the time now; everything is out of control and I can't keep track of what I'm doing, and when I think about it, my brain hurts.