12-09-08| 2:01 am

I will tell you the truth. Why I can't sleep at night. Why I can't get out of bed. Why I am lost and scared.

I loved you. I loved and loved and loved you for years and it was my love for you that protected me, that kept me warm, kept me going, kept me alive and smart and sane. And it was loving you that held me back, that kept me from growing.

And so I left. I left and I learned and I loved someone else and sometimes I think I am ready to live without you but then I remember and I see pictures and I have memories and Christ, I loved you. You were me. You were me. You are me.

Ever day I think of you. Every day you are behind my eyelids, you are inside my heart you are three miles away and I try to forget and I can't and everything feels empty.