11-16-08| 3:51 pm

Dear diary. Parts are missing. I am not going to fill in the spaces because I know the pattern. You know the pattern. We haven't changed the pattern.

I said it. It was hard and I heard the sounds coming from my lips but in my head there was just pressure like if I could have blocked it out I would. I said it and it was hard and it wasn't perfect but the important part is that I said it! and now, maybe, it will get easier like when he wakes me up in the morning just to wrap his arms around me or like when we stand in the kitchen washing dishes and talking and my heart is just too, too full.