07-21-08| 12:54 am

The heat was thick, oppressive, and so were the thoughts in my head and I tried to smother everything with my pillow in bed but all I got was a headache and puffy eyes.

Actively I did not try to block out these memories from the past but actively I did not want to bring them back today and yet they came and I saw the connections, understood how deeply rooted my neuroses are.

I'm considering things I never thought I would. Is that a recurring theme? Things I never expected to happen.