06-27-08| 2:24 am

Dear diary: I am going to tell you, finally, what really happened.

And I am going to contextualize. I went on a date with a man tonight, a man I don't have too much interest in. He is not the point. The point is that in talking to him, in telling him, "I don't regret any of it," I remembered. I remembered the girl who made the decision of a lifetime, the girl who stuck by it, and the girl who pulled through. I remembered what it was to love fully when you didn't even know what love was. I remembered pushing, pushing, pushing and achieving.

I think, I am scared to think, that I am exactly the girl I always hoped I would become.

I had to wait so long for the parts to fall into place. And I told you about the strings. Suddenly I had so many that I had to let a few go. The ones I could always reach out and grab again.

I am going to grab the strings. I have learned to manage what is in my hands. It is my whole life.