06-11-08| 3:36 pm

It wasn't working. I was terrified to say that after a year of begging and pushing and getting so goddamn close, it wasn't working. I love you but I'm leaving because I have to. God, I was so scared. Explaining everything away. Good days, bad days. It took so much for me to walk away and not hate myself or him.

I'm sorry, I told him. For you and I both.

Now it is time for me to pull it together. Out, desirable, animated, enthusiastic. I'm okay and I'm ready.