05-13-08| 7:35 pm

Stolichnaya and sexual innuendos intoxicated me, left me dizzied and aroused. The ratio had shifted. For the one man who didn't want me, two more who did. Want me, pursue me, take me; anything if it stops hurting inside and I can breathe.

And the schizophrenic narrative: I slept in another man's bed and I didn't think of you. You can be replaced, then. I can wake up next to someone else's skin. I can wake up loving someone else. You are exhausting me, I am wearing out the boundaries of love and not love, I need rest. I need sleep in another man's bed.