12-01-07| 1:15 am

I have a vise grip on myself. It feels like everything is clenched, and it is; held tight by the fear of what happens when I let my guard down, forget responsibility, forget what I am doing.

Maybe there are people who don't know. The choices I made and what they meant to me, the things that got me through. The times when I could have fallen fallen fallen and the times I had to save myself. That is the point--I had to save myself because there was no safety net and I did and it is because of the choices I have made. The point is I'm the only I have and if my judgement is clouded then there is no hope. And so! Inside of me is clenched tight. I have to be scared because no one else is scared for me.