06-11-07| 1:51 pm

There was a crack in the ice: I have been made a fool.

for an instant. For one fucking instant I dropped my guard by a fraction and the result is this! Hurt again. I am good enough for no one. I am good enough for no one.

Defenses raised by a million and so DNA haunts me; automatic mechanisms and in them I see two decades of unhappiness. He couldn't stand up to me because I spent twenty goddamn years learning how to fight back, learning how to hurt someone more than they were hurting me. You can't be better at this than I am and he wasn't. But there was a crack in the ice and I wasn't prepared for the smallest hurt. and I am hurt.

I can't be alone forever. Someone has to love me enough. Someone has to love me.