06-06-07| 1:21 am

I constantly check my reflection. Vanity is not the issue. Forgetting what I look like is an irrational fear of mine.

Is this real? Is this what other people see? Turquoise eyes that are sometimes vibrant and are sometimes unguarded and flat. Bright enough to startle or cold enough to frighten.

I memorize the patterns of freckles on the bridge of my nose. Across my arms, chest. Bruises distract me for days, shadows under the tan of my skin. Every day a different shade to learn.

More and more I see resemblances. Father, mother, the ten year old version of myself. In the corner of my eye. Reminding me of past, present, future.

Not vanity. Psychosis.