06-01-07| 5:37 am

The pro becomes the con. I am beginning to feel inadequate. Something is making me feel inadequate.

He frames my face in his hands, strokes my hair back. Drops kisses on my cheeks, eyes, chin. Look at me. Girlfriend, he says. How many times? Two, three, four?

I lay awake with his heartbeat in my ear. Flashback-- I don't want to date you. No feelings. No strings. My head begins to spin. I drank a bottle of champagne tonight. I can't think or sleep or understand.

Uncharted emotional territory. What do you want, I plead. The answer does not matter; all that matters is that there is an answer. What do you want?