09-05-06| 2:05 pm

from July:

Harder and harder to exist. Too many cigarettes, too many chemically imbalanced nights and confused mornings. My body does little else but stand for countless hours at the mind-numbing job.

The roomate came home drunk, stumbling. Flashbacks? Many. There were many. Certain she would make it through the night, I left her alone. Few words were spoken this morning.

Books still surround me, loaded with strong female protagonists whom I admire. And, in turn, hate. For doing what I seemingly cannot: triumph over adversity.

And yet, no one would know any of this. That's the craziest part of this world. We're all so damn alone. If the help doesn't come from yourself, I don't think it comes at all.