09-05-06| 2:07 pm

from the end of July:

Is it this hard for everyone? The last six months feel like being underwater. I say this because I stood on the beach and I looked out and I breathed, felt the sunshine, decided I am not going to drown. Self pity is all I had but that gets you nowhere. There is one person who loves me and when I talk to her I cry because I don't deserve it. When someone struggles so hard to help you you can't waste your opportunities.

I was strong once, physically, emotionally. So strong and still I fell, still landed where I am now. But I am going to be strong again because I have to be. I have to help myself.