11-15-05| 12:17 am

I think there is an underlying factor here: I struggle to believe I can do what I am doing (I clock it, I clock it again, let's measure once more and subtract the corners) and so I push harder, I push farther, there has to be a limit. If it is possible then it is easy, it should be harder, it should hurt and there has to be a point where I can't do this.

I am pushing and people are surprised, there are warnings, but deep down inside they see a fat girl and if she can do it, it must be easy.

I am going to find the right number and if there is a limit, I will push farther.